But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
