remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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