I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Hippo gnu deer
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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