What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Say something about gay babies.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
