the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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