The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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