Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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