WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
