I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
It's rum buckets o'clock
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
