I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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