I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
