I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
