this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
organizing the empties. That sober.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
