If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
