Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
