I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
