Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Your dad touched me again.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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