Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
