Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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