you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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