if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
