cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
