I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
