Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
