Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
