Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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