if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
