After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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