you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
