I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
