Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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