I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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