real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
