is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
