no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
