FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
