Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
