I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
