Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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