Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
