im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
