i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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