saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
We have started to decorate penises.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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