I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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