Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
