im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
