I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
