Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
