During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
