she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
My feet surprised me
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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