Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i wish my penis had a tongue
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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