you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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